Thursday, December 02, 2004

Blame Canada!!........Except for These Two.........


Yes, it's a joke. In fact, the "Blame Canada" song that comes from the South Park Movie:Bigger, Longer and Uncut was pretty damn funny I must say.

Me? I don't have anything against Canadians. They like their molsons and hockey, eh, and any country that is willing to sit outdoors in below zero weather in a stadium at night to watch a hockey game is crazy enough for me, thankyouverymuch. Of course they have their moonbats, as any healthy democracy should.

What was hilarious last night as I was watching the MacNeil-Lehrer NewsHour on PBS they had a segment on Bush's visit to Canada, and spoke about the animosity between the two countries since the war in Iraq. The hostess stated that America has been holding negative views towards Canadians lately, and then said something along the lines of "as you can see from this popular cartoon, the American attitude's towards Canadians also are feeling strained"-then cut to a small bit from the "Blame Canada" musical number in the Southpark movie. Journalistic integrity at its finest, no doubt. Here are some of the lyrics from "Blame Canada"-

Sheila: Times have changed
Our kids are kids are getting worse
They won't obey their parents
They just want to fart and curse!
Sharon: Should we blame the government?
Liane: Or blame society?
Dads: Or should we blame the images on TV?
Sheila: No, blame Canada!!!
Everyone: Blame Canada !!!

Yep, we sure do hate them crazy canucks. Just keep sending your Alberta Steaks and your Molson, and everything will be just fine, mmmkay?


There are two bright spots in the Canadian blogosphere that I have neglected from putting on my blogroll, and you should read them often, as they are always chock full of bloggity goodness.

Colby Cosh- On the NBA (It's FANNNTASTIC!!) Basketbrawl-

Boy, I couldn't watch the footage of the Pistons-Pacers brawl often enough--seeing Artest paste that pudgy guy down on the floor was worth the price of season tickets on its own--but I got tired of the ensuing hysteria awful quick. Why don't you sportswriters who are referring to this stuff as "shocking" and "unprecedented" do a Google search for "Heysel Stadium" and get back to us?

I mean, far be it from me to condone violence, but at this point wouldn't it help break up the sheer monotony if someone did? Or if someone pointed out, at least, that the Boston Bruins' 1979 Yuletide foray into the MSG stands was far more horrible and dangerous, did nothing to hurt the "scrappy" reputations of the (white) players or the city responsible, and is never now remembered with anything but fondness.

I must already have seen a hundred different things used by the Outrage Industry (which employs me) to fill in the blank: the brutal and horrifying Pistons-Pacers brawl was inevitable in a league/country that condones ______. The leadership of David Stern? Check! The presence of beer at sporting events? Check! The cultural preeminence of rap music? Check! The adoption of the three-point line? Hey, give us another day or so!

And Kate Olsen, of Small Dead Animals- on waitress hygiene-

So, then, if it is within the capacity of a plumber to select a wardrobe that covers the equatorial realms of his anatomy, is it too much to expect of a waitress?

I didn't have my camera at brunch today. But, to the young woman who seated us at our table, and swished by on too frequent a basis, may I offer the following observations:

1. Jewelry located anywhere between the collarbone and ankle is not intended for public consumption.

2. The protrusion of post-pubescent lardy tissue between the upper lip of your low rise pants and the lower edge of that shrunken t-shirt resembles a uncooked roll of pork sausage. This may not have occured to you, but with a breakfast menu in my hand, it certainly occurred to me.

3. The only women thin enough to expose a midrift forcibly confined in such away are in a hospital bed and subject to medically supervised feedings.

4. People are trying to eat, dammit.

There. I feel better already. Next time, I will bring a camera, and I will make you famous.

You go read them now!

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