Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The Competition for Nation With The Fattest Asses Continues........


As many people may know, we here in the US are FAT. Not Phat, as in cool, but FAT as in FATASSED. I will admit to currently being in the overweight designation. I'm by no means obese, but ever since I went from moving furniture for a living to sitting behind a desk all day, a funny thing happened. I developed something I never had before, a belly. My whole life I have been sans belly, owing to my choices of manual labor, playing the drums, and being broke enough to where one meal a day was pretty much it. Within the last three years the belly emerged as if it had been denied its righteous place among the rest of my body parts. At first I was pleasantly suprised by the development as I had spent most of my life being way too skinny. But today it annoys me, and it's a matter of time before I start a regular excercise routine besides the drums. Despite the novelty of the whole development, I don't like spending money on new pants. Soon I will take on the age-old tried and true ancient dieting secret- EAT LESS, EXCERCISE MORE. Being of Irish descent, I would rather starve myself to death before taking on a "low-carb lifestyle". Potatoes are half the reason we Celts survived in the first place, I'll be damned if I start a diet that won't let me eat them.


I could probably afford to drink less beers, but I'm not a masochist. Please, I have standards to uphold here. The Guiness is not negotiable.

This brings me to the latest news out from a report from the International Obesity Task Force (count me among those unaware of the IOTF), the US no longer has world wide dominance when it comes to fat asses, Europe has taken the lead-

In a group of nations from Greece to Germany, the proportion of overweight or obese men is higher than in the United States, experts said Tuesday in a major analysis of expanding girth on the European continent.

"The time when obesity was thought to be a problem on the other side of the Atlantic has gone by," said Mars Di Bartolomeo, Luxembourg's Minister of Health.

In Cyprus, the Czech Republic, Finland, Germany, Greece, Malta and Slovakia, a higher percentage of men are obese or overweight than the estimated 67 percent of men in the United States, according to a report from the International Obesity Task Force, a coalition of researchers and institutions.

The analysis was released as the 25-nation European Union announced an initiative to enlist the food and marketing industries in the fight against fat.

The International Obesity Task Force, which is advising the European Union, had estimated in 2003 that about 200 million of the 350 million adults living in what is now the European Union may be overweight or obese.

200 million fatties? SACRE' BLEU!!!! That's one big ass you got there Europe. You oughta go jogging or something. Maybe a stairmaster. Lay off the freedom fries, eh? Seriously. When you get fatter than les americans, you have a problem.

Cause we like to eat over here. A lot. Thanksgiving? It's a holiday spent gorging ourselves on purpose. The only reason we have big ovens is because those turkeys that we stuff ourselves with won't fit in those little ones you have.

BBQ Ribs. They aren't just a thing you eat over here, they are a past time.

The single most recognizable American?

How we are losing the fattest ass race absolutely baffles me.

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