Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Grammys, Oscars, and Ego Stroking Bad Hair Nights.........


Recently one of my favorite comedians -Chris Rock- made the comment that straight black men don't watch the Grammy's, and everyone flipped out (of course). I couldn't possibly agree with him more. I won't pretend to speak for straight black men considering I'm about as white as snow, but speaking as a straight white man, ALL AWARDS SHOWS BLOWS CHUNKS.


First of all, the awards are decided by industry insiders who are basically shilling for whatever album/movie/soap opera star they happen to like. You like Matchbox 20 more than Sugar Ray? Congratulations. I think they both suck. See? It's arbitrary. How can you say one song is quantitatively "better" than the other, and enough so that it should get a shiny statue rather than the other one? Imagine if they gave awards for paintings, who wins- Van Gogh or Picasso?

It's freaking ART people! It's not a damn contest!!!!

The second thing about these awards shows that really pisses me off is that the majority of the winners are already getting paid umpteen bazillion dollars for doing what most people would give their right arm to be able to do, and that apparently isn't enough. No siree- they need shiny statues too!! They need to feel even more superior to their peers, so that even though Titanic made eleventy trillion dollars at the box office, now it has shiny statues to go along with it, making James Cameron's head so large that it won't even fit in a movie theater anymore. How many of these artists truly deserve to have this much freaking praise and honor bestowed upon them? You can make a case for folks like Ray Charles or Ella Fitzgerald, but come on- Usher? Cher? Freaking Michael Moore????? (don't even get me started...)

I don't think Chirs Rock and myself are alone with this opinion. A google search for "awards shows suck" returned 207,000 results. Maybe that's my calling- to end awards shows as we know them, and return art to its simpler days when all decent artists went insane and killed themselves or chopped their ears off.

And to further cement the position I am taking here, think of this- there is actually an award bestowed on BEST RING TONE. If that's not a sure sign the the four horsemen are saddling up their rides, I'm not sure what is.

Bitter? Me? Nah. I did get stinking drunk last night though. Maybe that's why.

Rock on Chris- Hey! Wait a minute! What the hell is that in your hand!!

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